It’s Sunday night. The day has been extremely hot. Play is currently suspended because of the rain, here, at the Sony Ericsson Open, in Key Biscayne, Florida.
I’ll take advantage of the break in an otherwise hectic schedule to share an observation that many will consider shallow. Some may even wonder why I care about it. But I do care and since the CBS corporation kindly gives me the opportunity to express myself here, I will use it.
Ladies, a tennis outfit shall never be worn off a tennis court. It is more than an opinion, it is a rule. To function properly a society needs rules. So I am told. Well, you can add the tennis outfit rule to your book of rules. The only acceptable exception is of course on the way to and back from the tennis court.
I don’t want to be mistaken. Daniela Hantuchova looked stunning in her black outfit today. She also looked stunned when Ai Sugiyama upset her in three sets. But Hantuchova is a professional tennis player. She is required to wear a short skirt and and a tight top to make a living. But no one, I repeat, no one needs to don a tennis outfit to gain access to the tournament premises.
To be thorough, I even asked a WTA Tour representative if a person from the stands could be picked to play in case a player was to pull out of a match.
Imagine that Ana Ivanovic, who looked awful against Lindsay Davenport on Stadium court today, decides to quit. “I feel flat, can't get no rhythm, can’t find the court, my serve sucks and my good looks are not helping me at all right now. I’d rather go home. I’ll still be cute and there is always next week,” she may tell herself before packing up and walking off.
In that instance, to calm the fury coming up from the stands, the WTA Tour suddenly realizes that the only way to prevent riots from spreading to the very quiet community of Key Biscayne, is to pick somebody, anybody, sitting here and ask them to play. Well, you want to be prepared, they’ll provide the racket but you want to look your best in your tennis clothes.
All this is of course pure fantasy. It is never going to happen. First, because Ana is no quitter and still charming even in defeat. And second, the WTA Tour is adament about it: "No player shall be replaced during a match." And I am told that the organization would rather move on to the next match scheduled to take place on the court, which happened to be between Rafael Nadal and Nicolas Kiefer, just in case something like that happened.
So, please ladies, no more tennis outfits when you’re not playing. I am well aware that American women believe that flip-flops are shoes and sweat pants can be worn to go to the mall, but we all know those are major fashion faux-pas. You know what they call flip-flop in Europe? Thongs. Furthermore, when you’re over 40, and your last trip to the gym was when you were in high school, there is a huge probability that you won’t look good in a tennis skirt.
And, would you wear scrubs to go to the dentist? Would you wear a flight attendant suit when boarding an airplane?